Item: gramophone and stand, made entirely of chocolate (and what I assume is some sort of edible paint)
Encounter: Commander Baguette, a large, sapient, sentient, rock-solid loaf of bread that has slowly worked its way up through the ranks
Item: a very large cow-shaped popsicle…?
Encounter: Kheperer: armored beetle that appears when the scent of death is in the air. After it kills a victim, it buries him in a pink-colored ball of dung and rolls him off.
Item: Column of Vermin Summoning; unfortunately it doesn’t let the user control them or anything, and mostly they cluster around the column
Encounter: Bloody Malth, Antipaladin/Monk, armed with several powerful weapons. His secret weakness: copyright violation cease-and-desist letters from Warduke.
Item: a bunch of worms with wheels for some reason; do the owner’s bidding, so far as a bunch of worms with wheels can
(Credit: children’s book “If…” by Sarah Perry)
Encounter: Soda Popinski, potion-fueled monk specializing in side hook punches
Item: T-Shirt Armor of God: while it appears to be a simple tee, this shirt provides +5 against Necrotic damage, negates any Profane bonuses on attacks, and advantage against Undead.
Encounter: CGI baby attempting to go Super Saiyan
Random Item Drop 